He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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