there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
