I puked a lego.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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