I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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