like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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