Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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