Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
