All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
