Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
