oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
