saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
