your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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