These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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