I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
