a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
