Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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