I just pynch a tree in the face
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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