He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
