I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I got inside last night via doggy door
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
