A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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