HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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