One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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