He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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