dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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