I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
