I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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