I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
