so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize