I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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