My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
tell me about the eggs
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