Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
birth control should be required to get into college
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
