she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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