last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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