I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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