Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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