Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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