the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
