Texts From Last Night

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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.

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  (989): I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses. http://tfl.nu/7uea
  Replies (60) Good night (622) Bad night (3950)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.

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  (401): Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex. http://tfl.nu/0okh
  Replies (22) Good night (666) Bad night (5021)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex

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  (712): I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex http://tfl.nu/ubpb
  Replies (20) Good night (3592) Bad night (929)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad

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  (303): You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad http://tfl.nu/1udj
  Replies (13) Good night (1846) Bad night (4937)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.

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  (727): i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina. http://tfl.nu/7vie
  Replies (27) Good night (3565) Bad night (1001)
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  (510): View more from California

  Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.

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  (510): Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing. http://tfl.nu/5987
  Replies (20) Good night (6719) Bad night (1219)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness

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  (484): 5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness http://tfl.nu/vhep
  Replies (6) Good night (998) Bad night (3402)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  where are you?

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Hypothermia

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  (443): where are you? (240): Hypothermia http://tfl.nu/1rtk
  Replies (20) Good night (2295) Bad night (4037)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting

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  (702): Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting http://tfl.nu/9kwe
  Replies (7) Good night (1959) Bad night (970)
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  (646): View more from New York

  you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor

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  (646): you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor http://tfl.nu/zdss
  Replies (3) Good night (1435) Bad night (998)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??

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  (254): Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction?? http://tfl.nu/xlz3
  Replies (12) Good night (659) Bad night (1711)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.

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  (801): When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw. http://tfl.nu/4mnb
  Replies (9) Good night (1089) Bad night (406)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  i can't, we're worse now

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  (519): please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen (1-519): i can't, we're worse now http://tfl.nu/v8g3
  Replies (12) Good night (1382) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?

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  (949): the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real? http://tfl.nu/2sta
  Replies (2) Good night (1684) Bad night (303)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.

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  (925): I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you. http://tfl.nu/spyc
  Replies (3) Good night (854) Bad night (322)

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