u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Can you bring me the toilet please