just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
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