Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.

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  (610): Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man. http://tfl.nu/0eqn
  Replies (9) Good night (2338) Bad night (1022)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!

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  (919): just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great! http://tfl.nu/724w
  Replies (35) Good night (7080) Bad night (686)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system

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  (608): buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system http://tfl.nu/p1zb
  Replies (8) Good night (2727) Bad night (541)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted

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  (860): I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted http://tfl.nu/x75x
  Replies (7) Good night (4135) Bad night (633)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?

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  (519): What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand? http://tfl.nu/srza
  Replies (10) Good night (5057) Bad night (1731)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT

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  (314): WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT http://tfl.nu/lhuy
  Replies (3) Good night (2327) Bad night (954)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.

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  (604): Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge. http://tfl.nu/yomn
  Replies (10) Good night (1748) Bad night (2245)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.

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  (229): No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional. http://tfl.nu/bawb
  Replies (8) Good night (2499) Bad night (1070)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  None of those words made sense together.

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  (612): So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life (1-612): None of those words made sense together. http://tfl.nu/fi74
  Replies (6) Good night (1844) Bad night (547)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.

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  (267): They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment. http://tfl.nu/jokz
  Replies (3) Good night (2041) Bad night (486)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...

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  (303): accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones... http://tfl.nu/822e
  Replies (4) Good night (2371) Bad night (470)
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  (914): View more from New York

  So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.

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  (914): So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy. http://tfl.nu/skqk
  Replies (3) Good night (805) Bad night (364)
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  (949): View more from California

  I hate that we are older than the real world people now

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  (949): I hate that we are older than the real world people now http://tfl.nu/6lpg
  Replies (3) Good night (584) Bad night (387)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"

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  (305): I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me" http://tfl.nu/ic9y
  Replies (0) Good night (410) Bad night (130)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.

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  (480): This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help. http://tfl.nu/vra3
  Replies (5) Good night (259) Bad night (323)

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