he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS