She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
