It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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