Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
