woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
