But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
