I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
