i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
it's great music for shaving your balls
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Randomize
