oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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