Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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