My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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