i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
