soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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