Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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