i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
