it wasn't lemon gatorade
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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