Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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