I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
