and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
