I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
