i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
