I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
only if we run a train.
done.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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