almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
