Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We have so much sex to catch up on
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
