i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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