let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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